Lifestream

Cloud sat up, his head throbbing. At first he couldn't see a thing. Then the world came back into focus, but it seemed to be a world made up of swirling colors. Cloud tried to blink his way through the sickly greens and yellows. He didn't know where he was, but had the idea that this wasn't the real world. His mind continued to spin. It was hard to think, to focus. Something was wrong with him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He stood up and looked around. He seemed to in some kind of void. Just empty space, without even a visible floor. It reminded him of somewhere but, the memory was hazy. It was like the time... He couldn't remember.

For a few moments, he briefly contemplated how disconcerting it was to look like he was floating in space, not being able to see the floor. Then he could see a floor. He thought he'd seen it before. That other time, the time... Lifestream; the word came to him suddenly, and then he remembered. He felt like he had when he was within his mind, in Lifestream, divided. Incomplete. He must be inside his own mind again. Part of him, he realized, was somewhere else. Maybe that was why it was so hard to think clearly.

Abruptly, he remembered the Black Materia. Meteor. That was how he had made contact with Lifestream. His body wasn't inside it this time, but he had... his mind grew hazy for an instant there. He had invoked its powers. That was why his mind was in Lifestream, and he was inside his own mind. Like the last time. Lifestream. Tifa.

Tifa! He seemed to wake up a little bit more, though it was hard to tell. Tifa had been calling him. He was... again he took a few minutes to remember. It had to do with Meteor. After more effort, he remembered. He had awakened, become incomplete, because of Tifa. The other part of him was still trying to call Meteor. He had to stop it. That was it. Cloud closed his eyes again and tried to concentrate. He called out.

Nothing could hide from him in his own mind. A moment later, he stood before himself. The other incomplete Cloud's eyes were cold, full of hatred, contempt, and resentment. Like Sephiroth, Cloud realized. The other Cloud, the other part of him, flashed him a mocking smile.

Cloud suddenly realized he had a weapon strapped to his back. A sword. He pulled it free. The familiar weapon was his first blade, the Buster Sword that he had fought with for five years.

The other Cloud unsheathed the Masamune.

The swords collided. The shock through his weapon jarred Cloud's body. The other Cloud didn't seem affected. Cloud struck again, and ignoring the shock this time as the blades collided, he pressed his attack. The other Cloud was far to quick, defending and counterthrusting with contemptuous ease. His opponent knew everything he did, Cloud realized, and the added range and power of his weapon gave him a decided advantage.

The fight went on for a few minutes, with Cloud miraculously avoiding getting hurt, but he soon realized that he didn't stand a chance. The other Cloud knew it also. He spoke for the first time, in his hate-filled voice. "You can't win." Cloud began to feel stirrings of anger, something of an incomplete feeling without hatred. "You'd destroy the Planet!"

"Yes. You would." His opponent's words struck a haunting note within him. He redoubled his assault. This time, the other Cloud let him strike. He stabbed at the other Cloud, the Buster Sword slicing through the other's armor, but his blow still had no effect. Cloud stared at his seemingly invincible foe, who once again grinned that smile of total contempt.

"Get out of my mind!" Cloud yelled, as his vision began to waver, and he started to lose a sense of where he was. The other Cloud's voice drifted back distantly. "You can't get rid of me. I am your mind." Then he was alone again.

Cloud had no idea how long he had stayed there, oblivious to his surroundings, when something once again began to happen. This time it was a pressure, pressing in on his mind, strong enough to cause physical pain. He temples ached as he tried to fight off the sudden doubt that spread over him. He recognized this as a mental attack from the other Cloud, his hatred, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt his principles challenged, as questions filled his mind.

He asked himself why insisted on fighting his desires. For the Planet, and its innocents, the answer came back quickly enough. Even as he thought about it, that answer seemed glib and insincere. When had he suddenly started caring again? Even in his war with Shinra and Sephiroth, the planet had been secondary. But was it really worth giving up his happiness? He'd already suffered more than anyone else on the Planet. Was it too much to ask for a chance at a little joy? Why did he always have to be the one to make the sacrifices?

Cloud felt his will, his resolve fading. Desperately, he tried to fight the compulsion to allow his compassion to be replaced by bitterness. His head throbbed harder, and he thought he had begun to fall. Endlessly downward. Suddenly, Tifa was there. The pressure seemed to fade as he stared at her beautiful and somehow delicate complexion, into her fiery eyes, not seeing the crimson streaks that ran down her forehead, staining her entire face and forming damp streaks in the darkness of her hair. She reached out towards him as if from a great distance, as if she were trying to fight through a barrier of some kind.

-Don't fight me, Cloud. Please, let me try to help you. I...-

Her voice was cut off and it seemed she was being pushed away from him. The other Cloud, no doubt. "Tifa!" he called.

For a moment, the resistance she was fighting dropped away, and he could hear her voice again. -...to me. Remember Aeris, Cloud! Think of...-

Then she was gone. The other Cloud had banished her from his mind. The waves of pressure returned, as strong as ever. Cloud knew that Tifa's words had been all that had saved him, and he held them before him desperately like a shield.

Then he did remember Aeris. Every detail of her face appeared clearly to him, changing as tender moments came back to him: her flirtatious smile as she offered a date for his services; her respect for and determination to help Tifa at Corneo's, if only for his sake; her care and self-sacrifice as she called out affirmation of Marlene's safety even as she was carried off by the Shinra; her gratitude when he came to save her; her desire to understand her Cetra heritage; her deep caring for him as they floated through the Gold Saucer's firework-lit night; her faint smile of love and fulfillment that even Sephiroth's brutal sword strike couldn't erase. He remembered it all.

Impossibly, the pressure on his mind intensified even more. He tried to resist it enough to build up coherency in his mind. Aeris wouldn't... His thought trailing off was only momentary. She wouldn't want this. He was rewarded with a stronger burst of pain. She wouldn't find joy in returning if the Planet and its people suffered. Cloud's head felt like he was going to burst. Fighting for his survival, he drove away all thoughts but Aeris. He still loved her. If he loved her, he would put an end to this.

The thought cut through the pain with crystal clarity, the pressure on his mind melting away. His confusion was gone, and Cloud could only gasp with the delight of having control of his mind again. He was safe from the other Cloud now, he knew. It seemed Aeris would never cease to protect him, even in death. Love and resolve mingled in him as he straightened, throwing his head back to laugh. He knew what he had to do. Cloud once again began a journey through his mind to face himself.

The other Cloud was waiting for him, of course. Cloud stifled back any fear or apprehension he felt, knowing that it might cost him his soul. The other Cloud was incapable of feeling these things, so his opponent's resolve wouldn't waver.

"Again? You don't give up, do you, boy?" The other Cloud held the naked Masamune in front of his face, and was sweating from his intense hate. Cloud only smiled at the idea of part of his mind feeling contempt for another part. He faced his enemy with a dispassionate coldness.

"I've had enough games. Let's get to the point. For Aeris's sake, this ends here."

"All right," the other snarled, then seemed to calm a bit. "Let's get to the point. You can't kill me. But your soul might just die trying."

Cloud raised his sword. "You're right. I can't kill you." He made as if to attack, then suddenly lunged for his opponent with his left hand, sheathing the Buster Sword across his back. He firmly gripped the other Cloud's shoulder. "But I can accept you."

"What the hell are you doing?!" The other Cloud swung the Masamune at his arm. Cloud twisted, but the blade still sliced through flesh and bone, only barely failing to take his arm off entirely. Cloud refused to relinquish has grip. "Stop it!" The other Cloud was panicking now. He drove his sword through Cloud's chest, but Cloud, as he had once before, yanked the blade out by the tip with his bare right hand. With a mighty sideways heave, he wrenched the sword from his enemy's grasp and threw it into the distance.

"I have to accept you. You've made me do some unforgivable things. But you've also helped me survive more times than I can count. You helped me kill Sephiroth. You're a part of me, Cloud. Accept it." The grimace and the hatred faded from the other Cloud's face. Its body faded away as well as Cloud drew his hatred and bitterness back into himself.

He was whole again.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Cloud slumped to the ground for a moment, starting to feel the agony of the injuries he'd sustained. His left arm limply hung at his side in uselessness, and even when he covered the wound in his chest, blood and gods-knew-what-else continued to pour out. Now that he was thinking clearly and had time to concentrate, he could see the pale green glow that surrounded everything here, hovering on the edge of his consciousness. He had gone through so many encounters with Lifestream by now, he had almost ceased to regard it as a novelty.

It was time to be getting back, he thought, back to the surface. Back to the world above. Why did he hesitate? He was reluctant to leave, he realized, because of her. He realized this was the closest he'd get to being with Aeris until he died. It wasn't much. But he felt better knowing she was among those that surrounded his mind here. His sense of responsibility grew more insistent, reminding him of the things that needed to be done. Still, he hesitated, her face still burned into his memory.

Finally, it was love that called him back. As he groped for reasons for why he should return, another equally beautiful dark-haired face replaced Aeris's in his mind. One he held with equal affection, and who he also owed his life.

"I'm here, Tifa," Cloud called, as he half floated and half swam upwards, out of Lifestream. To her.

On to Chapter 6.

Back to Lifestream.